i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
