he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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