Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
