she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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