I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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