oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
