Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
