people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
