I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
cat food counts as protein by the way
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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