hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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