at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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