forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
