I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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