He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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