Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
