so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
