currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
