It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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