What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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