I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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