Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
