What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
