dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
