I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
