the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We have started to decorate penises.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize