i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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