don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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