I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
