So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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