I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
