just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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