bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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