Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
