is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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