hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
