New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
