how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
