i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
