just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
