This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
