her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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