on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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