i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
