so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
