Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
