and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just had sex on a roof
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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