Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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