look no pants
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
