I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize