That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize