Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
