Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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