oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
