Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
