Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
