are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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