About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
