I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
