you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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