It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
