Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
