Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
