I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
