i permit you to call me
Yo dont text me then not text me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
