Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
