my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
