Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm too high and old for this...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
