She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
