i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize