is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
