Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
