I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The best revenge is premature balding
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
