sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
