He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
