I have demons in me.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
