Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
