ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
