We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
