there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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