Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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