youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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