Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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