so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
