Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
