I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
