your parents love me but you hate me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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