I think I won the penis lottery.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
