My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
