That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
