things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
