she takes plan B like it's going out of style
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
