i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
