Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
